Plan B
by aslycsi1315
Summary: Henrietta Lange should have had a plan A, B, and C on how to deal with Deeks' reaction to Kensi missing in Afghanistan. If she had, she wouldn't be sitting in the hallway of Director Vance's office, needing to explain how her police officer went rogue and tore up half of Afghanistan looking for her.
1. Chapter 1

Henrietta Lange should have had a plan A, B, and C on how to deal with Deeks' reaction to Kensi missing in Afghanistan. If she had, she wouldn't be sitting in in the hallway of Director Vance's office, needing to explain how her police officer went rouge and tore up half of Afghanistan.

In her defense, Hetty sort of had a plan and it was the standard plan when giving Deeks bad news- pull him to the side, give the news in a calm, comforting voice, allow him some time to digest the news and then watch him move into action where her agents and she could watch him. When she did pull him to the side after Granger called via satellite to announce Kensi's disappearance, Deeks went ballistic.

"Why the hell did you send her in the first place? Who is the White Ghost? I should have gone with her!"

And in return, Hetty calmly told him the truth, "She has a tie to a dangerous man. I believed she was the best choice and I stand by it. I know you want to go-"

"Don't….just don't…." Deeks muttered angrily and stormed out of the OPS. Sam and Callen gave her the usual _we-should-say something, but-Hetty-will- kill-us _looks to each other and decided to give him the much needed space. Hetty knows her cop very well- the beach is his go-to place for everything. So Hetty and the team worked diligently to set up a flight, a plan, and the best way to deal with Deeks when he returned.

He never did.

Ninety minutes later, the C-17 Bombardier is ready to take Callen, Sam and Nell to Afghanistan.

"Where's Deeks? He wouldn't take almost two hours with Kensi in danger," Nell asks as she's nearly buried under a tactical vest, her backpack filled with her electronics and the thick sunhat Eric is making her wear.

"Maybe he lost track of time. They have their thing and maybe he's lost it," Callen suggests.

"Not bloody likely," Sam snorts. "Something isn't right. Deeks is too strong to lose it during something like this."

"Then where is he?"

As Hetty listens to both men converse, she takes a step near the detective's desk. Sam has called Deeks five times with no answer and the detective's car is still in the parking lot. Unbeknownst to the team, Hetty has already made a call to the pair of eyes she has on Deeks' favorite beach and finds him to be missing.

He's done something and she knows it and it's confirmed when she pushes a random travel brochure from a pile on the desk and finds Deeks' wallet with his license missing and a bank withdrawal sheet for $800 dollars dated from six days after Kensi had left.

"Bugger," Hetty curses under her breath. The operations manager had always, _always, _prided herself on knowing her agents, but in the following hour, they find that from the moment Kensi had left, he had made his own contingency plan. Their backup weapons cache in the basement has been cleared out of a brand new Remington MSR rifle, a Kevlar vest, an AR 15 assault rifle, and two Sig P229s along with a Kevlar vest, tactical belt and a sat phone. Twenty five minutes later, an old friend of Callen who had been bonding with Deeks for the past few months calls to check in on the emergency Deeks had told him to get a ride on an emergency military flight that will get him to Afghanistan in half the time.

"Get on the plane and catch him before he gets himself killed!" Hetty barks at her two agents. If it wasn't for the high possibility of loss of life, she'd be incredibly impressed. She soon finds out that Deeks had been practicing assembling and using a sniper weapon on the weekends- hell, the cop could now move through Camp Pendleton's tactical course at the speed Kensi moved at during her early years as an agent.

"Marty, what have you done?" She gave him space, missed his personal training that would best be done under guidance, and now she's certain that her cop has walked into the lion's den alone. The feeling lingers during her team's ten hour flight to Afghanistan and begins to quickly dissipate when she's updated by Granger and the team every hour after they landed.

* * *

At the airport, the team is told that Agent Sabatino, a man free to come and go during the case, has just limped into camp and admitted that he and Kensi had been pinned down during a stakeout, she had been kidnapped, and Sabatino had ran for it. Sabatino isn't the least bit afraid to also admit that in his heat stroke induced daze he had walked back in; Deeks found him, broke his arm after finding out about ditching Kensi, and manipulated information about Kensi's last location.

"He was real…I swear he was there and he was pissed," Sabatino mutters when Callen, Sam, and Granger stand in front of him as he lays in the medical tent. "Did you send him to camp or something since last year? How long has he been an agent?"

"He's not," Granger growls.

"He moves like it- he's quick and traveled light. I could see it in his eyes- he's a man on a mission."

An hour later, the team makes it Kensi's last known location and finds two bodies of men thought to be tied to White Ghost. They know the blue eyed man had been there by the fern leaf tucked into one of the man's pockets. There's a piece of paper with GPS coordinates in the pocket as well. Back at the camp, Nell calls them to give the location of the GPS coordinates- a mile and a half walk north from their location as the temperatures are quickly dropping with evening approaching.

"I'll call it in," Granger volunteers.

"No, we should just go and have reinforcements come!" Callen exclaims. His heart is about to burst through the roof.

"We do this by the book. Deeks should have thought about this before going lone wolf," Granger replies. He calls the camp and his attempt becomes useless- shots have just been fired at a small village that match the coordinates. Reinforcements are already on the way with Sam, Callen, and Granger being the closest. So they run as fast they physically can and what they find is earth-shattering.

"Hetty?"

"Please get to it, Mr. Callen."

"Both Kensi and Deeks are safe."

"Excellent…..what's wrong?"

"You need to see it to believe it."

* * *

Now, as she sits in the hallway of the Director Vance's office, the pictures from the village are still fresh in her mind. Her police officer has successfully found a vantage point and easily sniped five patrols silently with his rifle. Two additional men had been taken down by a knife, Kensi's knife in particular. In a room, a chair with cut ropes sit in the middle room with Hendrick Cole, an enemy of Kensi's father, lying dead on the Arabic carpet. In ten minutes, he had taken down eight men.

Hetty slowly looks up to the detective sitting next to her. His eyes are just as cold as they were when Callen, Sam, and Granger had found him walking with Kensi out of the house she was held in. His injuries had been numerous- a bandage covers his cheek where a bullet had grazed him and his hand unconsciously covers the area where had been shot twice. The hollowness in him worries her more than anything else.

"Mr. Lange, Detective Deeks. The director will see you now," the secretary calls out.

Hetty breathes in deeply as Deeks rises. She isn't afraid of the consequences for his actions- she's sure he won't get more than a warning.

Henrietta Lange is afraid because of the darkness that's erupted in her gentle, happy cop to rescue his partner.

She's afraid of the hungry, greedy look in Granger's eyes when he realized that the goofy cop turned into the perfect super agent.

She's afraid of her young brunette agent being antsy or even afraid of Deeks' dark demeanor.

And most of all, she's afraid that Marty Deeks won't ever come back.


	2. Chapter 2

"_What's going on? Sam and Callen nearly ran me over near the armory." _

"_Ms. Blye disappeared from camp in Afghanistan, Mr. Deeks. She went on her own after she missed a shot to kill a man known as the White Ghost-" _

"_She's...she's missing...Why the hell did you send her in the first place? Who is the White Ghost? I should have gone with her!"_

"_She has tie to a dangerous man, I believed she was the best choice and I stand by it. I know you want to go-"_

Marty Deeks' trust in Hetty Lange is officially gone.

Two days ago; Hetty broke him, _tore him into pieces_, when she pulled him aside and told him that Kensi had gone missing in Afghanistan. 2:00 on a Friday afternoon, Hetty took him into her office and dropped the bomb. There are so many emotions racing through his blood in the second after she had justified her decision in the most apathetic tone. Fear for his partner's life, confusion over the case and what do the next and most dominantly- anger. Anger for Hetty not sending him with her from the start and anger for her treating him like everything was normal during his sleepless, nightmare filled nights and his mind buzzing over his backup plan for 97 days.

She sent his Kensi off into war and now he may lose her.

So for the best thing for everyone, he stomps out of the OPS center and blacks out everything until he's airborne on a C-5 Galaxy military plane.

He's sitting in one of the airplane seats, staring at the small $2 mirror that a Marine had attached above one of the seats. At some point, Deeks had changed into a military fatigue jacket, cargo pants, a black cap and a scarf and got on the flight he had set up in advance.

_I look so different_. Deeks runs his hand over his face and can feel the go-bag filled with the heavy arsenal he'll need to rescue his partner- a Remington Rifle, AR-15 assault rifle, two Sigs and other tactical items. He glances at the mirror again and now knows something for sure- Marty Deeks is still at the OPS center, panicking frantically over possibly losing his partner. At this moment, he's his darkest, deepest alibi that he may not be able to come back from- Max Gentry.

* * *

Afghanistan sucks just as much as he had expected it to be when the C-5 Galaxy lands at a military camp outside of Kandahar.

It's hot and sticky with high wind speeds blowing so much sand around that he has to cover his nose and mouth with his scarf while walking out the airplane. Although the hot weather makes him want to strip down to a tee shirt, the memory of countless stories from Sam and Callen in the Middle East reminds him that he'll be thankful as hell when the brutal cold that comes with nightfall arrives.

The first thing the detective does once off the plane is pull over a fresh faced solider and quiz him to get everything he can about the lay of the land, modes of travel and after showing a picture of Granger that he ripped off the back of the NCIS brochure he had found in storage at OPS and the picture Kensi had sent him two weeks ago, he finds out that he needs to get to Camp Delta-47, fifteen miles down the road. He catches a ride on the back of a transport truck easily with no one asking questions. Deeks as Max is confident and focused enough to pass as a Marine.

Once he's at the camp, Deeks starts walking down the lone path that leads into insurgent territory. He's quick about it and before he knows it, he's trudging through sand that seems to sink beneath his feet . The wind is brutal enough to get any man to want to turn around, but Deeks doesn't. The only thing that makes him stop to catch his breath is the sight of a man cowered by the only tree he's seen for miles.

"Help..." the man gasps. Deeks continues to approach him until the man's dark eyes trigger a response in the detective he can't control. He lunges forward and slams the man to the ground.

"Sabatino, what the hell are you doing out here?" Deeks roars. Sabatino, covered in bruises, dust, and blood, quickly realizes that the light hearted detective is long gone.

" Blye and I- we were- we went- why are you here? Where's Callen, Sam, and Granger?" Sabatino stammers. He tries to push Deeks' grip on his jacket away, but it only makes the detective angrier.

"I know Kensi is missing," Deeks reaches for the Sig from his waist and presses the nuzzle against Sabatino's chin. "Tell me that you weren't with her when she got captured. Tell me so I no longer have the urge to shoot you."

"Yes. We were attacked, she got separated and then I tried to get help." His heart beat is racing out of control at Deeks' homicidal demeanor, a fear he has every right to have. In seconds, Deeks takes Sabatino's right arm and slams it hard against the rock near his body. He then covers Sabatino's mouth and whispers, " Listen to me carefully, Sabatino. You are going to get up like a man and walk back to your camp. My team won't be far behind me and you're going to tell them everything that's happen.

"You aren't going to go after Blye by yourself, are you?" Sabatino whimpers.

Deeks stands up and looks down at the crumpled CIA agent. "Watch me."

* * *

"Detective Deeks?"

Deeks looks up from his hands to Director Leon Vance. Vance sits back in his desk chair with his slightly chewed pencil in his hand. Hetty, who had been by his side during the meeting isn't in the small chair next to him anymore. The clock behind Vance tells Deeks that he's been sitting in the office for an hour now.

"Sorry," Deeks croaks. "I didn't' hear-"

"Let's take a break," Vance says. "Did you catch any of what we just spoke about?"

Deeks nods his head and looks down to his hands once more. Like two days ago, he had blacked out most of the today and the meeting. "No, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't even realize Hetty had left the room."

Vance closes the file on his desk and sits up tall in his chair. "I kicked Hetty out because I know that you don't trust her. She sent your partner to kill a friend of her father's and you cleared out a village alone. You like as if you're struggling to stay awake, Deeks. Let's take a break and meet back in a few hours."

"I'm fired, aren't I?" Deeks mumbles. The moment he had walked out of OPS, he knew that his job would more than likely be gone.

"Fired? I'd say no. Further than that, I don't know," Vance states, " You're dangerous, Detective. Incredibly dangerous."


	3. Chapter 3

"Detective Deeks, you can go."

The blonde haired agent blinks and slowly releases the rest of the breath he's been holding in for the last minute or so. He slowly looks up to Vance, who has suddenly moved from behind the desk to leaning on the front edge of the desk. The Director taps his pen against the table top as he watches for the reaction of any kind that he's been expecting from Deeks.

"I don't know where to go," Deeks finally mumbles, his gaze almost immediately dropping back to the floor. It's the complete, honest truth- he's sure that Hetty is standing in the cramped waiting room with the assistant or on the walkway planning some way to make her look guilt-free. At this moment in time, Deeks doesn't want to be anywhere near her; getting on a flight begrudgingly with her to see the Director was way pass his already non- existence tolerance level of Hetty.

And then there's Kensi….

"Go for a walk. It's not Los Angeles weather outside, but it's decent outside considering that it's March," Vance says with a quick nod to the clear blue skies both men can see outside of the office window. "Look, I can only guess what's going through your head right now and the best advice I can give you is to go clear your mind for a few hours. You know what- let's make it 8:30 tomorrow morning. You look like you could use the rest. Alright?"

Deeks slowly rises from his chair and numbly nods in agreement. He turns and steps into the door frame where he can see Hetty speaking quietly with the assistant. He catches her eye for a moment and decides to keep walking, out of the room in the same dead trance that he traveled almost two miles in Afghanistan when he came across a sight that broke him into pieces.

* * *

**Afghanistan**

"You're just going to get yourself killed!"

Deeks stops in his tracks and turns against the hot, sticky blowing wind to face the crumpled form of Sabatino. The CIA agent cradles his right arm in his other and shoots antsy glances at the knife he had just dropped during Deeks slamming him to the ground. All it takes is a homicidal glare from Deeks to get Sabatino to push himself onto his feet with his uninjured arm and limp off towards the camp. If they were in any other situation, Deeks would laugh or even smirk.

But it isn't.

Deeks tightens the sling that holds up his AR-15 and begins following the staggered footsteps Sabatino had left behind earlier. His mind runs through the conversation near the ambulance the day Kensi had left as he trudges on.

"_We're going to figure this out. All we gotta do is talk about it."_

"_Ok, but you don't- you don't really like talking about it."_

"_Yeah, but I'll promise that I'll be better at talking about this."_

Deeks stops and shakes his head in disbelief. Whether he gets another chance to figure things out with Kensi or not, Marty Deeks will never ever forgive Hetty for taking the opportunity away from them.

"We can sell it!"

"No, we must burn it!"

Deeks stops in his tracks and crouches down on the incline that leads to two men arguing in Arabic. He can't make out the object that the taller of the two men is waving at the other. With his finger on the trigger of his assault rifle, Deeks crawls as quietly as he can up the incline until his eyes finally focus on the object in the man's hand.

His partner's bloody scarf.

The detective's reaction is a blur- he blinks and suddenly he's standing over the two now dead men with at least three gunshot wounds in each of them. Deeks' body and mind are so numb that he feels nothing when he brings two fingers his cheek to wipe the blood off of his cheek and realize that he's been shot. Somehow in the last few minutes, Deeks has just killed both men in pure, blinding anger over the simple thought that his partner is most likely dead. Any trace of his old self is officially gone over the sight of the bloody scarf.

So like the mission- focused, apathetic Max Gentry he's had to become, Deeks covers his wound with gauze bandages and wraps, plants the fern leaf good luck charm he had carried from home at the base of a nearby tree and starts following the footsteps once more with the once beautiful scarf in hand.

* * *

Back in present day Washington D.C, Hetty has just watched her detective walk out of Vance's office with the most unreadable face she's ever seen on him. It's impossible to determine if he's just been fired, hired, reminding her how angry he is again without words or if he is mentally back in Afghanistan. It's only been two days since she's last seen Deeks in his usual light hearted mood and she misses it dearly.

"Lange!"

Hetty blinks in response at Vance's call of her name from his office doorway. He beckons her with a finger and growls, " We need to talk."

"Of course, Leon," Hetty answers respectfully. She walks into his office quickly, closes the office door and turns around to see Vance shaking his head at her in what some would consider disgust.

"Did you fire him?" Hetty asks as she takes a seat in the chair she had sat in earlier.

"I haven't figured out what to do with him yet. He looks like hell so I sent him out for a break for a few hours. Before I ask what the hell goes on in that head of yours," Vance states, "How's Agent Blye?"

"She's angry and hurt-"

"Considering that you sent her off to kill someone who was an enemy and even an old friend of her father , she has every right to be."

"She will most likely request to transfer out of my unit."

Vance snorts without the faintest hint of empathy for Hetty. "Also, not surprising. If I pull Detective Deeks into NCIS, you won't get him back either."

"I understand."

"Hhmmm." Vance turns in his chair to face the stunningly calm view outside of the window. He starts to tap his pencil against his thigh repetitively. "How do you do it, Henrietta? How do you make this decisions that screw with lives with no remorse?"

"If I had no remorse or feeling for my decisions," Hetty states irritably as she rises from the chair, "I wouldn't be here."


	4. Chapter 4

Injured and out in a city he's never been in before, Deeks finds himself wandering to the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool.

He hobbles to the grassy area that surrounds the pool and lowers himself onto the cool, slightly damp grass. A year ago, he had told Kensi in the middle of exploring a suspect's home that the Reflecting Pool was on his list of places he planned on taking her. Now that he's here and his partner is somewhere at the NCIS building, the beautiful sight does not seem as stunning and fun as he thought it would be.

"Cold," Deeks mumbles under his breath after a cold breeze makes him shiver. Like the Director had said, the weather is nowhere near the warm, sunny Los Angeles they had left behind the night before. He wraps his arms around his body even with the resonating pain in his shoulder and wrists. Below him, the sun makes the water glisten and as much as Deeks has the faint desire to walk down near the water, he can't sand the idea of looking at his own reflection.

It isn't the scars and the bandages that scare him; it's whatever the hell that Kensi saw in him that has her seeming afraid of him.

* * *

**Afghanistan**

When Sabatino' footsteps end in the sand, Deeks stands at the top of a hill that overlooks a village.

The small village is surrounded by an ankle high stone wall with a stone entrance on the opposite end of town from where the detective stands. There are four one story stone buildings with walkways on top of each of them. In the center of the village stands a modern two story townhouse, fitted with a machine gun on the roof and metal bars on the glass window. Deeks decides it best to scope out the village by using the scope on the Remington tear down rifle in his backpack. The idea sounds simple to him until he puts the rifle together and tries to lay down on the ground.

"Gwaa…." Deeks hisses in pain at the pain of his gunshot wound against the hard, sandy ground. His wound had been completely numb until now and it makes him hope for another trigger that will make the pain numb and him closer to finding his possibly dead partner. Every breath hurts so bad- it's a miracle he stays conscious as he places his eye against the scope and finds himself looking at the roof of the closest building where a muscular, Arabic man holds an assault rifle in hands.

Deeks spots four other men on patrol that are spread out among the other three buildings. Still with no sign of Kensi, the detective is about to give up- _maybe they dropped Sabatino off here which explains the end of the tracks. I should probably check for a tire tread….if I can get up, _Deeks thinks as his small dots appear in his vision. He shakes his head to get out of the daze and decides to look through the bottom window of the townhouse.

That's when he sees a tall, muscular African American man with an electrical cord in hand in front of a bloodied, barely conscious Kensi.

And just like when he saw the bloody scarf, Deeks with the anger and fight of Max Gentry loses control.

In what seems like a blink of an eye, Deeks fires two rounds into two of the patrols with such an accuracy that it would make Callen and Kensi proud. He takes down the third and the fourth man quickly with shots to the chest and the neck. He's completely numb when he kills the last patrol, stands up and begins to jog down the hill with his AR-15 dangling from his sling. As he gets closer to the wall, he can hear a man yelling and it's a sign that a body has been found and it's time for a hell of a fight.

Deeks sprints through the entrance and fires shots at two men emerging from the townhouse. Both men are quick and dodge out of the detective's shots and duck into an alley. Deeks slows his pace and aims his gun at the entrance of the dark alley. When he's in front of the alley, he stops suddenly when it's completely empty. Nothing moves, including himself, until the sound of Kensi's screams catches his attention and leaves him vulnerable. One of the men fires a bullet and it hits Deeks in the side.

"NCIS!" Deeks yells without reason as he shoots the farther man in the leg and then pulls out Kensi's knife to whip it towards the closer man. The knife nicks the man in the neck and he dies before he hits the ground. A man with nothing to lose, Deeks runs towards the man scrambling for his gun. In one swift move, Deeks grabs the knife from the ground and stabs the man in the chest. He doesn't wait to see if the man is dead before he sprints into the townhouse doorway with his last weapon, his Sig P229.

"Put it down!" The African American man now has Kensi in a headlock and a gun against her temple. She can barely stand on her visible broken leg as she yells, "Cole, let him go. You have me! Do whatever you need to do to me."

"Put it down or she dies, you little punk! Put it down and call up the rest of your little-"

Without a thought of the possibility of hitting Kensi in a cross fire, Deeks fires one shot at Cole's head, killing him instantly.

Kensi falls onto the chair she had been tied to earlier and gasps for air. When she looks up at her partner, she's isn't sure who is staring back at her.

* * *

**Washington D.C**

"Isn't this one of the places on your _take Kensi she doesn't want to go _list?"

Deeks flinches when he is drawn out of the memory by the sound of his partner's voice. He's scared to look up and into those same scared brown eyes he saw in Afghanistan. Instead, Deeks listens to Kensi lower herself from her crutches and onto the ground with a soft, " Oooof."

"I thought you were still at the hotel," Deeks mumbles as he anxiously begins to rub his hands together.

" I couldn't stay there with you talking with the Director alone…and I was getting really bored," Kensi replies. She brushes her hair behind her ear where a bandage is visible. Her injuries, besides the broken leg, were a few electrical burns and bruises from a beating. "What he say?"

"He told me to take a break for the rest of the day."

Kensi inhales and then leans forward. "Deeks, look at me."

"I can't," Deeks says, hating the tears forming in his eyes. He's been a ticking bomb of guilt and fear for two days now and it's finally begun to spill out. " You're afraid of me."

"What?" Kensi tries to turn her body the best she can towards Deeks and ends up groaning in frustration when her cast prevents her from completely facing her partner. " What makes you think that?"

"I saw it in your eyes in Afghanistan and I can see it now. I'm so sorry, Kens-"

"For saving me?" the brunette agent exclaims incredulously, " You actually regret saving me?"

"No-" Deeks' eyes slowly travel to hers, " I regret that I wasn't good enough to save you as myself. I had to become a monster to save you."

"That's not what scares me, Deeks. What scares me is that that man who used to care about my dad kidnapping me and reducing me to a sniveling, weak mess that tortured me into thinking that my father wasn't a good man." Like her partner had earlier, Kensi looks down to her uninjured leg bent next to her cast. " I'm afraid of how his actions turned you into some kind of Robocop. What I'm saying…is that when I saw you, I became afraid of how lost you and I are and the possibility of us not getting back to being Kensi and Deeks, a boy and a girl hanging out in a pick-up truck getting ice cream."

Deeks stares at her as he takes in her words. He has the same fears as she does and the reality of not being alone in those fears gives him a sliver of hope and stability, a sliver so small that he'll do anything to hold onto it. So he does something that he didn't think he'd have the strength to do- Deeks doesn't kiss her, but pulls Kensi back on the grass with him. Kensi doesn't flinch or panic, but smiles as they stare into each other's eyes.

Right now in this moment, Marty Deeks and Kensi Marie Blye will just be a boy and a girl, both emotionally scarred, holding onto that sliver of hope and stability that may lead them back to the old days.


	5. Chapter 5

Back in Los Angeles, Sam stands in front of the wall screen in the operations room, staring at the crime scene photos from Afghanistan for the umpteenth time.

_Two minutes- seven shots. _

_Only the best can come and pick off shots quick and efficiently like this…..so how did Deeks do it?_

He hates to admit it, but he actually doubts Deeks' sniper rifle skills. Callen and Kensi had always taken sniper duties and the detective has never shown a real interest in training on the weapon. Now as the ma runs through his mind for a memory of Deeks talking about anything involving a sniper rifle at his days at LAPD, he comes up empty.

_Could he really have practiced and gotten that good since Kensi left?_

_The MSR is a complex weapon to teach yourself- could he really have done it?_

Sam steps out of his thoughts and listens to silence that echoes throughout the building. Down stairs, analysts are quietly working at their desks around the empty bullpen that would have been filled by the team. Sam had kicked out all of the analysts from the operations room so that he could study the photos, Callen was fuming at Hetty and cleaning his weapons in the armory and Nell and Eric were pulling every ounce of information on Hendrik Cole for the after action reports. With the team on stand down during the meeting with the Director in D.C, it is the perfect time to analyze the detective's actions and what could have possibly gone through Hetty's mind when deciding to send Kensi to Afghanistan.

Sam drums his finger against the table and closes his eyes. He drifts back to when he, Granger, and Callen had sprinted through the cold desert air and found Deeks carrying Kensi out of the walkway of the small village.

* * *

**Afghanistan**

"There they are!"

Callen leads the group of Sam and Granger as they quickly make their way down the hill towards the walkway and is the first to point out Deeks and Kensi. He holds out his assault rifle in hand and scans the empty streets as he runs. He slows to a walk when he's feet away from the partners and calls out, "Are you safe? Is the town clear?"

"Put me down," Kensi tells Deeks. The detective doesn't move and Kensi has to repeat, "Put me down, Deeks!" She's lowered slowly onto the ground where she slides her injured leg in front of her and finally answers, "I'm ok, Callen."

Sam, who had been calm and collect the entire mission, suddenly snaps. He marches over to Deeks and gives him a hard push on the shoulder, roaring, "What the hell is the matter with you, Deeks? You could have gotten yourself killed!"

"Agent Hanna, leave him," Granger orders. He steps in between the man and turns to Sam. "Let's get Agent Blye on a helicopter, check for any bodies-"

"Bodies?" Kensi's head shoots up and she asks, "Weren't you with Deeks….when-when he killed the patrol?"

"We just got here," Sam says, his expression softening slightly. He moves to the right of Granger and calls out, "What patrol?"

When Deeks doesn't respond, Kensi steps in. She glances between Granger, Sam, and Callen, saying, "Um….there was a patrol with ten men when Hendrik Cole brought me here. So who took out the patrol?"

"Deeks?" Sam calls out. Deeks does not look up from his gaze that's locked on a spot on the ground and begins to tremble. He's crashing out of the tough, cold-hearted world of Max Gentry and back into being the emotionally- crumbling form of Marty Deeks.

"Deeks?" Sam repeats. He takes another step closer to Deeks and stops a foot away. "Did you take out the patrol by yourself?"

"Kensi has a broken leg, a few cuts and bruises and needs to get medical attention," Deeks suddenly bursts out in a monotonous, barely understandable voice, " Ten including Kensi's kidnapper were all taken down. I did everything accordingly and efficiently to rescue Kensi-"

"Deeks?" Sam puts a hand on Deeks' shoulder and watches as the detective slowly bring his gaze up to Sam's where the dark circles around his eyes and fear flash back at him. "Did you clear the village by yourself?"

Deeks slowly lifts a finger over to where Kensi sits and mumbles, "We need to call the helicopter and get Kens…get Kens to um-get Kensi some medical health."

"But-"Sam freezes when he sees the sight that has caught Granger, Kensi, and Callen's attention. Blood has soaked the hem of his shirt and the entire left leg of his dark cargo pants. Sam pulls up Deeks' shirt and gasps at the two bullet holes in Deeks' stomach. He looks back up to Deeks and takes the detective's face in his hands. "It's ok. Forget about the patrol and focus on me."

"Sam, the pain is coming back. Kensi's ok, right?"

Sam swallows hard and can see Deeks slipping out of consciousness. "Kensi's ok."

For Deeks, nothing else matters. He can hear Kensi's calls for him, Granger on the satellite phone and the faint sound of Callen and Sam's arguments over how to help him. "I'm a monster, Sam," he mutters before passing out into Sam's arms, "I'm a monster."

* * *

"Where's everyone?"

Sam continues to stare at the screen and doesn't hear the voice of Granger from the doorway. Granger smirks at the pondering SEAL and walks up to his side. He pauses for a minute and calls out, "Agent Hanna."

Sam jerks out of his thoughts and sits up straight at the sight of Granger. The assistant director sneaks a glance over to the crime scene photo on the screen and asks, "Where is the rest of your team?"

"Scattered throughout the building. You put us on stand-down, remember?" Sam says annoyedly. Even after being home for a few days, Sam still can't tell what Granger's end game is. On the flight home, Sam could see a new found curiosity in Granger's eye while staring at Deeks, a greedy curiosity that has Sam and Callen on the defense for the detective. Hetty's greediness or whatever fueled her to send Kensi almost got Kensi killed and turn Deeks into Max Gentry.

"So this is how you decide to spend your down time? Analyzing and reanalyzing what happened in Afghanistan?"

Sam shakes his head and points at the picture. "I'm not going to forget about it or take it as it is. I know Deeks and I want to know how he pulled this off and how-"

"You missed how talented he is."

Sam places his head in his hands and repeats, "I missed how talented he is…..I missed how freaking talented he is and it could have gotten him killed."

"Well, I have an opportunity for you to be able to work with Deeks again and not make the same mistake," Granger states. "If Deeks is brought to NCIS and I don't take him-"

"Take him?!" See I knew it-"Sam exclaims, "You want to use Deeks-"

"What I will do with Deeks if I decide to take him is up to me, Agent Hanna. However, if I don't take him, you have the opportunity to take him under your wing. I am considering putting you as the lead for this office. Do you want it?"


	6. Chapter 6

For three hours, everything feels relatively normal for Kensi and Deeks.

Three hours of lying next to Reflecting Pool, making small talk about passing D.C tourists and the city and then returning back to the hotel to rest that ends in Deeks screaming ballistically from a short, simple nightmare.

Deeks is lying under a comforter alone in the room NCIS had provided for him. Ten minutes ago, he had climbed into the bed to only rest his eyes from the, although short, morning with Kensi and the Director. There was no plan to sleep- he hadn't slept for days- _months_ in all truth- and he wasn't planning on starting so soon after Afghanistan. His eyes flickered closed and he was out in seconds, his dark, angry mind sending him back in the warehouse Sidarov had tortured him in. The detective found himself standing shaking and feeling cold and empty over the bodies of Sidarov and his two partners.

And when Deeks had looked down to his bloody hands, he found that he was standing over the bodies of Kensi and Sam as well, leading to a barely conscious Deeks screaming out in pure terror.

"Sir? SIR? Is everything all right in there?"

Deeks is unconsciously kicking and shaking in his bed and doesn't hear a man's voice behind the room door. He doesn't hear the man knocking furiously against the door, the keycard alert going off or the footsteps racing into the room. Deeks continues in his fit until two soft hands touch his face and a voice yells, "Deeks, wake up!"

His eyes fly open to the blurry image of Kensi looking down at him. She presses her cheek against his and repeats, "You're ok….you're ok…"

Deeks anxiously scans the room above him and stammers, "N-n-n-no, I'm not! I was Max and back in the room with Sidarov and I killed him and then you and Sam! I'm a monster, Kens…"

"You aren't." Kensi turns away from him and calls out to who Deeks assumes to be a manager, " It's just a panic attack. We're cops and we were just injured on a bad case. I got him- He won't be a problem anymore. I promise."

Deeks grimaces as Kensi climbs onto the small bed next to him. She places her arm across his chest and presses her nose against his cheek and as expected, Deeks lets out a whimper and begins to sob. Kensi only holds her sobbing partner as gently as she can.

"You're so strong," Deeks suddenly whimpers when he quiets a few minutes later.

"No, I'm not. Half an hour ago, I woke up and vomited over all over the bathroom floor when the Zen garden that I was forcing myself to dream of turned into you…..turned into you…." Kensi turns onto her back and trails off in her words.

"When my heart stopped."

"When your heart stopped."

* * *

**Afghanistan**

After laying Deeks on the desert ground, Sam can immediately tell that the detective isn't breathing.

"Deeks, don't you dare," Sam yells. He checks for a breath and hears shallow, erratic breathing from the detective's chest in return. He grimaces and presses his hands to Deeks' chest, freezing when he sees Kensi laying on her side, staring fearfully and desperately at Deeks.

"Is he breathing? Is he breathing?" Kensi screams at Sam. Callen and Granger each grab an arm and hoist her onto her feet. She pushes Callen's arm off and with her injured leg, falls in a heap on the ground. Sam continues to do compressions, muttering, " One, two, three, four…."

"Is he alive?" Kensi yells again.

"…Five, six, seven, get her out of here, G!"

Without a word, Callen lifts Kensi off the ground in one swift move and begins to carry her away from Deeks and Sam. Kensi kicks and yells as the lead agent carries her away from Deeks, "Put me down! Put me down! Deeks!"

"G, I don't have a heartbeat!"

"Deeks! DEEKS! Don't you dare leave me!"

* * *

In the present, Kensi takes in a shaky breath. "You were dead for almost two minutes. You did all this amazingly, crazy things to rescue me and then your heart stopped and your breathing stopped." She winces as she rolls onto her stomach to look down to him. " Cole tortured me for hours and all I thought about was you so when you were lying dead in front of me after six months, my world stopped."

Deeks suddenly sits up and pushes himself off the bed. His knee gives out and he trips towards the bathroom door. Kensi scoots forward to the edge of the bed and says, " Deeks, don't run."

"I'm not- I'm not running. I'm just- you shouldn't cry over me."

"I do get to cry over you. I cried over not seeing you nightly for months. I cried when you were captured by Sidarov and when you were shot. There was also the time where I remembered us watching The Notebook and you lying about crying at the end and it made me laugh so hard when I was over there. But you get the point."

He looks at her in wonder before the slightest upward twitch in his smile appears. The detective knows he won't smile, but there a momentary peace in him that he hasn't felt in six months. Before he can catch himself, Deeks blurts out, "I love you."

Kensi is cut off by a sharp nock on the door. Deeks walks over to the doo, taking note that Kensi's crutch is missing. He opens the door and finds that Hetty Lange is waiting on the other side quietly and in contempt. He doesn't know how to respond but Kensi, on the other hand, responds with an outburst that has been waiting to happen for days.

"You! _You!_ You sent me into hell! And don't you dare try to manipulate your way out this!" The brunette agent yells as she hobbles towards Hetty. " You knew that Cole was the Ghost, didn't you?"

"Again, Miss Blye, I am so sorry for what happened to you-"

"No, you aren't. I hate you for this, Hetty- I will always hate you for this. Deeks is a mess and I- I was tortured by a friend of my father and you knew about it! Get out."

Deeks can feel Hetty glance over to him; with his gaze locked on the ugly striped carpet, he can't tell if it's out sadness and guilt or not. Kensi leans against the door frame and repeats sternly, "Leave, Hetty."

Hetty nods and looks between the two. " I understand. I just want the both of you to know that this won't be like the last time in terms of consequences. For me, in particular."

And with a quick turn of the heel, she disappears down the hallway, leaving both Kensi and Deeks with the feeling that normalcy for the partners may not exist anymore.


	7. Chapter 7

**Washington D.C**

When Kensi and Deeks arrive at the Director's office early the next morning, Washington D.C is covered in snow.

Sitting in the same seat he had the morning prior, Deeks sits directly across from Director Vance in the large, more menacing than usual office. The meeting, which had been scheduled for 8:30, is running ten minutes behind as Director Vance had bolted into the room at 8:40 in a flurry, quickly slid into his seat and begins sifting through the bulging Afghanistan file without a word. The quiet is killing him; there are two possibilities that Deeks is certain to happen- Deeks will either be fired from NCIS and arrested or he'll be hired as an agent.

Even with the emotional mess that he has become.

"I had a meeting that ran a bit late, detective. Give me one minute."

Deeks yawns as he's on another long stretch without sleep. Both Kensi and Deeks had decided against sleeping after his nightmare yesterday afternoon and watched marathon of French movies in silence. The silence was perfect for him to replay every painful moment for Afghanistan and for Kensi to struggle with her own pain. The thought of Kensi causes Deeks to unconsciously look over his shoulder to the door with the hope that Kensi will ignore the Director's request and burst through the door.

Vance finally looks up to Deeks after laying two pictures of the men Deeks had killed over Kensi's scarf. "Detective Deeks, let's get started. These men- what made you engage them?"

_I thought both men had killed the love of my life and I lost control. _"I came across them in the desert where they had engaged me first."

Vance takes a heavy breath and asks, "Please do not lie to me, detective."

"I'm not, sir."

"So it wasn't because of the bloody scarf?" Vance lays a photo of everything Deeks had on him when he made it to the village- his Sig, his license, Kensi's knife and her scarf. He had woken up in a tent after collapsing connected to a numerous amount of wires and questions from military, Granger, Sam and Callen. By the time he had realized that the scarf had been taken as evidence until Geneva, Switzerland for additional medical attention.

Deeks doesn't even attempt to take another breath. A mess or not, there's no way hell that he'll admit his feelings about Kensi to the Director of NCIS. "If you want to know whether I'm dangerous enough to be arrested, the answer is yes. Whatever I did over there is because I'm dangerous and broken, sir."

Vance leans back in his chair and narrows his eyes at Deeks. "What about for hiring? I've looked into your file- all of your file, including the trauma you've gone through. The good you've done outweighs the trauma, in my opinion."

"Director Vance-"

"You lost control because your partner was in danger and you lied to military officials to get on a flight. On the other hand, you saved Agent Blye's life and Agent Sabatino- who claims he would have died in the desert if he hadn't have come across you. The two men you killed in the scarf- Adel Halabi and Dawud Nahus have been on NCIS's watch list for sixteen months for mass murder sprees in towns in southern Afghanistan and Iraq- and you executed them both, thus saving lives. And you caught and killed the White Ghost. With the six weeks I will give you and Agent Blye to recuperate and therapy, I would formally like to offer you a position as a special agent. You would be an invaluable asset, Martin."

Deeks pushes himself out of the chair and essentially loses it. "No, no- it's better if I'm not agent- material. I'm just a cop who got lucky in Afghanistan while trying to rescue my partner!"

"Detective Deeks, sit down!" Vance bellows and a trembling Deeks slowly lowers himself to his seat. " The good outweighs the bad, detective. And you are talented- I have agents that have gone through trauma nearly as and as yours and had the same fears. And you know what? They pulled through with help and have saved countless lives."

_And I can't lose Kensi and the team. _"Can I at least think about it?"

"According to Hetty, you've had four years to think about it. Given your state, I would give you an additional couple of days, but with the events currently happening-"

"What- why? What's happening?" Deeks leans forward, expectantly and waits to hear the six million bad scenarios spinning through his mind.

"Henrietta Lange will not be returning to the Los Angeles office. You will return to the office under Assistant Director Granger.

_Everything is happening so fast_. The confusion and anger leaves the detective unable to formulate more questions about Hetty. Instead, Deeks doesn't think and says, "Ok."

"Ok." The Director places the same application Hetty had given him years before and holds out a pen to Deeks.

_Ok. _Deeks leans over and scribbles his signature on the line that had been left blank for four years and unlike what he had thought he would feel when signing- he feels guilt.

* * *

**Langley, Virginia**

In the backseat of a black SUV, Hetty sits alone with her hands in her lap and a glare at the two agents driving. She's nervous and has a touch of fear in her, not because of the questions and interviews waiting for at the CIA headquarters, but because of the aftermath handed down to her from Director Vance.

By the order of the Director, she is no longer apart of NCIS and now needed for questioning by CIA.

_My agents - I never got the chance to set them up. Miss Jones will hopefully find the emergency packet I left in case of my death. _Hetty knows in her heart that Nell will take charge of the OPS center, regardless of who takes charge of the office. The soon to be agent is ready for sure along with Eric. There's also no fear for Eric- he'll panic for sure and cling to Nell for the first few weeks, but will soon relax as long as he has his ally and close friend with him.

The SUV takes a quick turn onto the main road that leads to the back entrance of the CIA headquarters. Hetty can see two male agents tossing a football in a field and it reminds her of Sam and Callen. The boys will keep it together at all costs and will more than likely give their share of attitude to whoever takes charge.

And there are Deeks and Kensi.

She'll never forgive herself for putting Kensi out there to kill Cole.

She doubts she'll ever know what possessed her to send Kensi to kill Cole.

She'll never forgive herself for not trusting her detective, helping him cope with Kensi and coping with the darkness from his past.

And she'll never forgive herself for not thinking of a Plan B.

**A/N: There are 2-4 chapters left. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Two years later **

**Warsaw Chopin Airport- Warsaw, Poland**

A Gulfstream IV business jet stands alone at the edge of the international airport's shortest runway in the middle of the night. At the end of the runway is a private government sanctioned airplane hangar used for planes like the Gulfstream that are being used for transporting officials, agents, and persons of interest like it will tonight. On the stairs of the jet is a tall, skinny blonde haired man who waits for the person NCIS desperately needs in custody for their safety. The man doesn't have to wait more than ten more minutes in the cool summer air for a sleek black SUV to pull up to the hangar and for Henrietta Lange to step out.

"How did you find me?" Hetty calls out as she approaches the man on the stairwell. Two years have passed and yet Hetty has immediately recognized Eric Beale under a new scruff, contact lens and the loss of about ten pounds in weight. Even with a scowl on his face, Eric still has a naivety in his eyes that shows his nerves about seeing the woman that disappeared from his life two years ago.

"It wasn't that hard," Eric sighs deeply, "I've had a lot of practice over the years." He takes a step to the side and points up the stairs. "Come on, we have to head out. Tradon Drakov knows where you are and he'll catch you if we don't go."

"And you were the one sent to escort me back?"

Eric shakes his head in annoyance and starts his way back up the stairs. Hetty watches him walk and thinks back to the day she had been escorted to the CIA headquarters in Langley. Two years ago to the day, Hetty had been grilled for nearly 15 hours by half a dozen agents about Afghanistan and her team. The CIA director had even stepped in to drill about Deeks in particular and if NCIS had made the mistake of hiring a 'psychopath'. The operations manager hadn't said a word or even flinched until Director Vance unexpectedly walked into the small interrogation room and told her that Deeks had reluctantly taken an agent position.

And then consequences for her actions finally came.

She can remember the Director's words exactly- _"The CIA wants you arrested and put away, but I have convinced them to give you an alternative. As you know, you are done with NCIS and any other government agency in this country. With that being said, I don't think you would mind leaving Los Angeles as well. Without your team and a job, there isn't anything there for you anymore." _

So she left the country and did something she never thought she could- she retired….sort of.

"Hetty, we need to leave," Eric repeats before he disappears into the jet. He's right- in the midst of her 'retirement', she had crossed paths with Top Ten Most Wanted Russian arms dealer Drakov and left evidence for Interpol to find him within a month after. It had turned on her badly as Drakov had evaded arrest and decided to put Hetty at the top of his kill list.

_Get on the plane, get out of side and then you can get answers about what's happened in the last two years, _Hetty thinks as she quickly makes her way up the stairs. _That's priority number 1._

* * *

Forty minutes later, the black Gulfstream levels out a 30,000 cruising altitude and Hetty immediately decides to start asking questions. Eric hasn't said a word to her since their little conversation before boarding the jet and she can see why- the blonde haired man sits with his tablet in his lap and taps the screen vigorously without ever taking a glance at it. He's anxiously waiting for her to make a move.

"So why were you sent to escort me?" Hetty asks from her seat on the other side of the jet.

"Because you hurt me the least out of the group," Eric answers simply. "And Nell and I are technically the only ones who know that you are in trouble."

Hetty narrows her eyes at him and then stands up from her seat. Her move causes Eric to tense up even more than he already has. "Fine," he adds, "Granger found out about Drakov since he's the lead in Europe and then sent the information to Nell and I. Since Nell can't travel, I left on a helicopter from the base yesterday and then got on a plane from the capital to get to Poland. Granger suggested that I get you back to the base, debriefed and then out to a safe place before Sam, Callen, Kensi and Deeks notice."

Hetty smiles at Eric, hoping that it'll get him to calm down. " Mr. Beale, I do hope you don't expect me to take in and understand everything you've just told me. What do you mean by Assistant Director Granger-"

"A lot has changed over the past two years. Granger stepped down from being the Assistant Director after you left and ran the Los Angeles office for about a year. Then he was transferred to run the NCIS Alpha 1 team based in Europe-"

Even for Hetty, she finds herself being overwhelmed by the information. " Alpha 1 team?"

"Oh, the secretary of state decided to put special projects teams in different regions about a year ago to stop any domestic agents from going overseas. Granger was moved to Europe to run that team and that's how he found you. You really didn't know any of this?"

"I retired, Mr. Beale. I knew that I had burned the bridges with you all so I stayed away. But never mind that, I still have so many questions for you that I don't think I can get all in the ten hour flight back to Los Angeles-" Hetty immediately stops mid-sentence when Eric, who had momentarily relaxed the anxious induced expression on his face, goes back to tapping his tablet screen without look at it. "Eric?"

Eric bites his lip and looks up to Hetty like a guilty child. " Granger wasn't the only when sent out of Los Angeles to run an international team. We went through a lot that first year, especially Deeks, which ended with our entire team being moved to be the Middle East regional spec ops team. Los Angeles isn't home for us anymore."


	9. Chapter 9

**United States Naval Support Activity Station- near Manama, Bahrain**

A MH-60R Seahawk helicopter touches down gently on the station's largest helipad. Inside, Hetty looks out the window to take in the military base located on the small country of Bahrain. The bright sunlight that shines on the water of the Persian Gulf also illuminates the trees and fields that surround the base. When she and Eric step out onto the helipad, she can see the base to be composed of two and three story buildings, a training camp and a large black main building not too far away from where they stand.

"So how long has this been home?" Hetty calls out to Eric as the helicopter blades quickly slow to a halt. Eric scoffs and holds out a badge to the solider standing at the edge of the helipad. He waves Hetty to follow him past the solider and down the stairwell. At the bottom of the stairs, Eric narrows his eyes at the elevator doors and finally answers, " A year."

"I see." In the four hour flight to Qatar and the forty minute helicopter ride to the base, Eric hadn't said another word to her after announcing that Los Angeles wasn't home anymore. It was enough time for her to digest the news and try to create a non-overwhelming list of questions to ask Eric. Hetty sighs in watching Eric click the elevator and step back in line with her. " So we'll go to a separate center and have me on another flight or helicopter by the end of the night?" Hetty asks.

"Yes, but we're going to take a walk first because you've been quiet and that's scary in itself," Eric answers, " So I'll show you a tour of the station and you can ask your questions. So go ahead."

Answering her questions out of annoyance isn't what she wanted, but she'll take it. " Alright- so talk to me about to team- who are you?"

"NCIS' Middle East Special Operations team. We're the regional team for search and rescue, arms dealers, coordinating on anything with the domestic teams and assisting the military on any intelligence matters," Eric answers. The elevator doors open and Eric steps in. He turns and waits for Hetty to walk into the cart with him. "Callen, Nell and I live here on base and Kensi and Deeks live in the capital and commute here."

_That sort of answers my first question., _Hetty think as the pair descend down to the ground floor. "And you had mentioned Mr. Deeks having a rough year?"

"We needed you, Hetty. We needed you to be a normal operations manager and you weren't. Deeks had-" the elevator doors suddenly slide open to reveal Sam and Callen. Callen, much scruffier than he had been two years ago, is laughing with a heavy duty backpack over his shoulder while Sam, joking at his partner and wearing a bandana and military khakis, both freeze at the sight of Eric and Hetty. Eric face palms and groans, "Damn it….I should have checked your schedules."

"Eric," Callen manages to choke out in disbelief, " What the hell is Hetty doing here?"

* * *

In one of the tents across the base, Supervisory Special Agent Kensi Blye lays on her stomach and slowly opens her eyes to see her partner sleeping on the adjacent cot in the small grey tent they lay in. She hasn't had much sleep in the last few nights and this last night hadn't been any different. Across from her, Supervisory Special Agent Marty Deeks is still sleeping on his stomach with his hands crossed under her head. Seeing him sleep calmly, with the past two years that they've had, is the most beautiful thing in the world to Kensi.

The sounds of military officials and soldiers running and talking by the tent tells the agent that not only have the pair slept later than usual, but also that something of excitement is causing everyone to run to the station's main meeting building. They've just gotten back from a mission in Saudi Arabia and really should just ignore the chaos, but after had just taken off in a helicopter on some secret mission the day before, it'll bug her.

"Deeks….Deeks….get up," Kensi whispers across the tent. Deeks turns his head slightly but doesn't open his eyes. Kensi smirks and slides out of her cot onto the floor where she crawls a few feet to sit next to Deeks' cot. " Don't make me climb in there."

Deeks grins and lets out a forced and very loud snore. Kensi rolls her eyes at her partner and crawls on top of him, resting her cheek on his back. Deeks groans louder and mutters, "Let's stay like this forever. Home is so far away."

"Home is not that far away Deeks and we have to get back. You know I hate sleeping at the base."

"Fine." He stretches on all fours like a cat. " How about you carry me?"

"You're so lazy." Kensi sits up ad sighs, "Something's happening outside and I want to see why Nell was worrying about Eric's secret trip." She sits back on her knees and sees the small sleep monitor under his hand. Her heart flutters slightly at the insignificant seeming object that'll determine how much worry she'll have over his mental health after the case.

"You know I can see you staring at the monitor and it officially just ruined the mood," Deeks turns the monitor over and holds it out to her, "No nightmares and it says I slept for six hours. Kens, I know tomorrow makes a year since-"

"I almost lost you? I know and I'm going to worry every single day…forever," Kensi finishes. She looks into his blue eyes and sees Deeks' eyes flicker in him looking for something to change the topic with. A devious smile suddenly flickers on his face- six years since meeting Deeks and Kensi still can't get him out of riding a joke out of a tense moment.

"So we're going to stalk Eric instead of going home? Kensi Marie, you naughty girl."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Ouch…a month without an update. Sorry, guys, my updates won't be as frequent since I'm a teacher, a student and a writer. I will 100% continue with all of my stories because I can't stand the idea of not finishing a story so no worries!**

**And here's a short update.**

* * *

"What the hell-"

"There's no way-"

"All I wanted to do today is play some hoops and now this-"

"I told you it wasn't going to be that easy-"

"Excuse me!" Hetty calls out to draw Sam and Callen's attention back to her. Both men glare down at her, the SEAL dropping his bag to his side and crossing his arms and Callen rolling his eyes in disgust. Eric steps in front of Hetty and put his hands up in defense. Hetty can see more bravery than she had ever expected from the young analyst in front of Sam and Callen. Eric stands tall against the two more muscular men without even a flinch.

"Back off, alright?" Eric snaps. He points back to the elevator now behind him, "She was in danger in Poland and Granger wanted me to get her out of the country and then on a helicopter out of Bahrain before tonight. I wanted just to talk to her for a minute and then take her to the base building without Kensi and Deeks even noticing. Let her go, alright?"

"Two things," Sam growls. "Were G and I supposed to found out? Because if we weren't supposed to, how are Deeks and Kensi not to supposed to? They came back from their case last night and will probably be all over the base and we don't need Hetty to pop up on the anniversary from last year's incident."

"Eric, take Hetty to the back room at the helicopter base and keep her there until she needs to leave," Callen states. He turns to walk away with Sam, but hears from the operations manager, " Mr. Callen, I would like to say a few words before you and Mr. Hanna leave."

"You want to talk," Callen scoffs. He shakes his head in disgust once more and then turns back to Hetty, "You left, Hetty. You lose your job and then you left without a word. We needed you and you weren't there. You are lucky Eric intercepted that message because I'd be wondering of why the hell should we go through all this for you. Do you know that we were worried that you were dead?"

Hetty nods slightly at the piercing anger in Sam. He'll more than likely walk away in frustration like had two years ago. " Mr. Hanna, I was advised it best that I leave Los Angeles after being removed from NCIS."

"And that meant leaving the country without even a goodbye?" Callen exclaims. Behind him, Hetty can see Sam turn away and start dialing away on his cellphone. He begins talking in a low voice and Hetty can pick up a few words of his conversation- _Kensi_, _level elevators, lie, Deeks. _The phone call ends in less than a minute and Sam rejoins the group, muttering, "This is going to end so well," under his breath.

"If the goal is to get me out before Mr. Deeks and Miss Blye caught news about my arrival, why did you call her?" Hetty asks hesitantly.

"Because I'd like to get as much control over the chaos that's about to break out with you being here, Hetty. If Kensi handles this without shooting you than maybe you won't destroy our lives as much as you are right now."

* * *

After twenty minutes of waiting, Hetty isn't sure that Kensi is coming.

Hetty's been standing against the back wall near the elevator alone as Sam, Callen, and Eric argue near the walkway across from elevators. She's been watching Eric managing to hold his ground against Callen and Sam with a fascination in the midst of observing the changes in her two older agents. Sam stands with more weight on his right foot than he had in the past- _Injury to his left leg that hasn't quite healed the way it should have, _Hetty concludes. Callen shows a deep exhaustion in his eyes…from burnout, but Hetty's observation.

And that doesn't involve her two most damaged agents.

"I think it's best that I leave," Hetty says. Damn near expecting her old agents to push her out the door, both Callen and Sam shake their heads no and then return to their conversation. Hetty scowls at their actions and decides to approach the group. Sam glances down at her and sighs, "What?"

"I don't take took kindly to being discussed while being next to a group," Hetty states. "If you anything to say about me, I think you need to say it-"

"We were talking about Kensi and Deeks and where they could possibly be throughout the base…" Sam sighs again and continues on reluctantly, " They just came back from a case last night so they probably were at the tents when we called."

"Yes and they'll be here no matter what circumstances we can discuss in private occurs," Callen snaps at Sam. He looks down to Hetty and adds, " No offense, but this discussion more about us than it is about you. Especially considering…..that after you left, Deeks just deteriorated until about a year ago. And that's when…."

"G." Sam holds up a hand and points to the entry way entrance. Kensi stands at the entryway wearing military fatigue and her hair in a bun as she stares back at the group. Kensi opens her mouth and then closes it without a word. She glances back behind her and then closes her eyes.

"My goodness, Miss Blye, you look stunning," Hetty says and her words make Kensi wince and shake her head once more. Callen, Sam and Eric all step back from Hetty and wait for the fight that they've been waiting for during the last two years. With the emotions from Deeks' struggles and everything else, Callen's imagined over and over of what Kensi's first words would be and he's nowhere near the mark.

"Hetty, it's you. I'm glad to see you."


	11. Chapter 11

Twenty minutes ago, Kensi had been absolutely pissed when Sam had called her with news of Hetty's arrival.

Ten minutes ago as she had walked from Deeks' and her tent across the base, she had been lost in mixed emotions of anger and the slightest bit of empathy towards Hetty.

Five minutes ago, she was just plain confused and reflective on the past two years with Deeks.

And now….Kensi Marie Blye actually feels content- happy, really at the sight of Hetty.

Her mixed emotions seem to leave Callen and Sam confused and Hetty in disbelief. She can't blame them the least as twenty minutes ago, she had the tempting desire to shoot someone. Kensi brightens her smile and steps towards the group before saying, "I know. I'm surprised I said that too. But it's the truth- I'm happy to see you."

"How…Miss Blye…how so?" Hetty stammers. "I've done so much harm to you and from what I've heard, I've destroyed Mr. Deeks."

Kensi ignores the end of Hetty's comment. "I'm happy to see you, Hetty, because that means I can get answers to the questions I've had for the last two years. I want to put everything from your side of the story and what happened for us and make sense of….everything."

"What- did you meditate on the way over here, Kens?" Callen calls out, his eyes locked on the younger agent. He's seen her in tears, in fear and in pain way too many times during the past two years for her to be calm all of sudden.

"Meditate? I've just had time to think about everything, not just within the last five minutes," Kensi looks down at Hetty with such a peacefulness in her eyes that it shakes the ex-operations manager to her core. "I hated you for months, Hetty. Months. And then last year happened and things changed to where I didn't have time to be angry about you. I let you go and had to focus on Deeks and as I walked over here, I realized that with you, I wouldn't be where I am today."

There are too many things running through Hetty's mind for her to focus, but one thing seems to stand out the most. "I can't accept that, Miss Blye, until I know what happened on the day you all keep referring to."

"You're right…..you're right," Kensi cocks her head slightly and takes a deep, heavy breath. "Deeks stayed angry after he rescued me, Hetty. Deeks withdrew from everyone and began taking on whatever suicidal mission the Navy and Granger asked him to go on. It was like he needed to be in the same super solider mode he was in when he rescued me. I tried to be patient and then it cumulated when he went on a suicidal mission to Yemen that five men had been killed brutally on."

Hetty can feel her body shake, a phenomenon she hasn't felt in a very long time. "Miss Blye, I can't imagine-"

"No, you can't. I went after him and I had to _beg_ and _plead_ for him to think about us and everything that we've gone through," the visibly shaken agent steps back and looks to the window walkway that overlooks the bay, "it took everything to bring him back. Everything."

"Miss Blye…" Hetty sighs. She looks over to Eric and asks, "I think its best you get me to wherever you need me to be, Mr. Beale. I've stirred up too much emotions for all of you."

"No, you don't get to run," Kensi exclaims. Her focus falls back on Hetty, "You don't get to leave a mark and then run, okay? I forgive you, Hetty, I forgive you. So deal with it, ok? Don't you dare for a moment think about running. Fix everything that you started. Now."

* * *

Down in the intelligence building next door, Deeks glances down at his watch with a raised brow, thinking, _Where the hell is Kens?_

He's been standing down in front of the door where he and Kensi are supposed to meet to go on their 'mission' to solve Eric's whereabouts from the last few days. Deeks is suspicious- they had snuggled in the tent and he had passed Kensi's daily questionnaire into his mentality so he know she has no reason to be off worrying about him with their teammates around the base.

"Morning, sir," a young intelligence office calls out as they approach the doorway. It's a Petty Officer that is incredibly fascinated with Deeks and his mission over the past two years. Deeks bites on his lip to avoid an eye roll and straightens up at the young officer. "Morning."

"I know that I'm not supposed to ask about the mission, but it went well, I assume? For you, it was probably a walk in the park! " the officer rambles. Deeks' eyes widen and holds up a hand. "Have you seen SSA Blye?"

"Oh, _oh._"

"Officer…."

"Sorry, she was heading towards the elevators walkway. I think that's where SSA's Callen, Hanna, Jones and Intel Officer Beale is."

_Alright, so she is having a secret worry meeting about me, _Deeks thinks with an eye roll. Solving Eric's super-secret mission is going to half to way.


	12. Chapter 12

**One Year Ago**

"We're home," Kensi says softly as she places the keys in the basket by the front door. She steps behind the door to allow Deeks to limp through the door. Deeks scans Kensi's dark apartment as if he hadn't been off and on spending time at her apartment through the last year. However; the wounded, quiet Deeks that stands before Kensi hasn't 'emotionally' been in the apartment since their night before Kensi had left for Afghanistan.

"I can sleep on the couch," Deeks mumbles. He can't look her in the eyes ever since she had trekked across a battlefield alone to talk him into coming home. He had stood in front of her after having his finger on the trigger of a sniper trained to execute a suspected terrorist. His Kensi, dressed in a camo jacket and pants, shades and a mask had braved the hellish desert to bring him home.

She could have been killed and it would have been all on him.

"Absolutely not, Deeks. We've just spent a day and a half in the back of a C-17 and plus, you made a promise to me out in the desert, remember?"

The promise.

"What was the promise, Deeks?"

He balls his fist, not out of anger, but to contain the self- hatred that's running through his blood. "To remember who I am and that things that I've gone through and experienced don't define what kind of a person that I am." His lip trembles when Kensi steps closer to him. "And that I'll always remember that I have you and so many people to live for."

Kensi nods slowly and places both of her hands on Deeks' cheeks. She strokes his cheek and whispers, "Don't you ever forget that, Marty. Now, I need my wonderfully perfect partner to come with me to bed. Is he going to come?"

* * *

**Present Day**

_So they aren't in the lounge or the counter- terrorism office, _Deeks thinks with a loud sigh. He's walking down the corridor back towards the elevators that the intelligence officer had directed him towards. The agent had stepped off the elevators five minutes ago, turned left and peeked his head into the very cramped counter-terrorism office and the bigger than need be, in Deeks' opinion, CT lounge. Now he's off towards the other end of the hallway where the helipad, gym and armory rooms are located. Every step makes the agent more and more impatient- the last time Kensi had randomly disappeared on the base ended in Deeks finding the team having a secret meeting about him.

"_I feel like I'm sleeping next to a bomb every night, Callen."_

"_Sam and Michelle had a similar problem after Bosnia, Kens. Have you talked to her or even a therapist about it?"_

"_I'm talking to you."_

"_I know and I feel the same worries that you do. Every time he's quiet, I get nervous that he's about to do something like in Yemen again."_

"Not a damn bomb," Deeks mutters as he picks up his pace. It's one year later and he still can't shake of the image of being 'a ticking bomb'.

Countless hours of therapy, staying back in their new operations room, and only getting his Sig back two months ago and he's still a ticking bomb.

"Where the hell is everyone?" Deeks passes the elevators and out into the empty foyer. He makes it no more than a couple of steps before Kensi, Callen, Sam and Eric are spotted in a huddle near the opposite end of the foyer. Something isn't right as he's sure that there's nothing so short on the ground that they all should be staring at. Kensi turns from the group when she hears his gasp and the answer to the mystery is finally solved.

Henrietta Lange.

Surprisingly, Sam is the first to act. He steps from around Callen and gives him a comforting smile. He holds up a hand and says, "We just found out that she was here, Deeks. Calm down and take a breath before you do anything."

_Ticking time bomb, ticking time bomb, _repeats over and over in Deeks' mind. _Ticking time bomb, ticking time bomb. _

Two years….two years and the woman who he's hated, cursed aloud hated and even cried over is standing a couple of feet away from him and Sam somehow wants him to be calm. "Go away," Deeks whispers. His next words are a yell, "Get out!"

Kensi is next. "Deeks-"

"Miss Blye…I think what Mr. Deeks and I need a moment alone," Hetty states. Hearing Hetty's voice makes the agent cringe. His teammates look to him for confirmation and he has to give a nod back. It's a complete, necessary lie. As his teammates and partner reluctantly leave the foyer, Deeks keeps his eyes locked on Hetty.

"My goodness, Marty," Hetty gasps with wonder when silence fills the room. She slowly walks in a circle around him, eyeing the scars on his arms- ten from her count- and the very visible scar under his chin. The muscles in his arms and his jaw are clenched as he watches her walk around her- he's so tense by the look of it that Hetty can feel the agent's desire to shoot her. Deeks' hand slides up and rests on his belt buckle, inches away from the empty gun holster. "How you've changed."

"And let me guess, you've changed too," Deeks states bitterly. He places his other hand on the other side of his hip and sighs deeply. "What are you doing here, Hetty? And where the hell have you been?"

"I've been traveling, Marty."

"Don't call me Marty."

Hetty nods and places her hands together just like Deeks remembers her doing. "Ok, I understand that. After I went to speak with the Director, he recommended that without me having a position at OPS, I should leave Los Angeles. I took his advice, traveled the world and unfortunately got myself into a bit of trouble. Mr. Beale is assisting in my relocation."

Deeks smirks in disbelief and shakes his head at the ex- operations manager. He walks over to the large glass windows on the opposite side of the foyer that overlooks the bay. The view is stunning for the both of them- with the helicopter pad above where they stand, a helicopter flies over head and over the edge of the base that overlooks the bay. With another heavy breath, Deeks asks, "Can I ask you something that's bugged me for years?"

Hetty can feel her heart skip a beat as the conversation is going ten times better than expected. She quickly and quietly approaches Deeks' side and looks up to him. "Go ahead."

"How did you go to sleep every night knowing that Kensi was going after someone who knew her father? Or with looking Callen in the face every day as he struggled to learn about his past? How did you sleep knowing that I was crashing every day that Kens was gone?" Deeks finally looks down at her, "I was callous and cold for a year and I almost lost everything."

"You want to know an answer to a question I haven't answered myself. I do know that I seemed to never stop to truly gauge my agents felt after my actions until Afghanistan. I can tell you this, Mr. Deeks; I haven't slept a night since leaving Los Angeles."

The agent nods and then looks towards the door where he's sure that Kensi, Sam, and Callen are waiting anxiously behind. He won't have them, especially Kensi, wait much longer. "I have so many questions about so many things, but I don't want to know the answers, struggle with them and then have Kensi and the others worry about me. I think whatever you're here for, you should get it and then leave."

_And the conversation ends, _Hetty thinks sadly. Like the young agent, she still has so many more questions about the events of the last two years. But as she's observed Deeks for the last five minutes, she can't be responsible for breaking the young, brilliant police officer she hired nearly six years ago. So far now, as much as it'll pain her, the little information that she's been given will have to do.

"I understand, Mr. Deeks," Hetty states. "I'll speak with Mr. Beale about where I can stay until the helicopter leaves tonight. I'm so sorry, Marty."

Deeks' blue eyes seem to pierce into her with his glare. He opens his mouth to say something, but then decides against it. Deeks shakes his head in disbelief and then starts walking towards the doorway. He opens and through Hetty's view; Callen, Sam and Kensi surround him as soon as the door opens. Deeks pulls Kensi close and down the hallway. There's no lingering look over the shoulder as the pair or the others leave.

There's nothing.

**A/N: One chapter left. **


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: A short epilogue. Thanks for reading!**

* * *

Six hours later, Hetty walks onto the helicopter pad, ready to fly to the safe house set in Bolivia.

It's raining now, not enough to prohibit her flight, but enough to leave her hair and coat damp from the drizzle coating the city. The MH-60R helicopter that she traveled in on sits fueled and ready on the pad a few feet away, looking rather stunning against the backdrop of heavy grey clouds. After Deeks had walked away from her, she had been 'ordered' by Eric to wait in the helicopter hanger alone for almost four hours for the helicopter to arrive.

And now that she's stepping off to fly away, there's no one to say goodbye.

_And I wouldn't expect anything less, _Hetty thinks sadly as she approaches the helicopter. The co-pilot slides out of the front and pulls open the bay doors for her to enter and the act is a solemn reminder that the moment the doors close behind her, her relationship with the team is done. Hetty takes a few steps towards the helicopter before the sound of huffing from behind her stops her in her tracks. She turns around to see an out of breath Deeks climbing the ladder to the helipad with a small travel pouch in hand.

"Give us a minute," Deeks calls out to the co-pilot before turning his attention back to the ex-operations manager, "You're running again."

"Ah, Mr. Deeks," Hetty says, easily hiding a relief under a sigh. "I thought you wanted me to leave."

"Yeah, but after me and the others talked about everything, I have a few more things to say and something for you to take with you. I don't want you to talk or use any manipulating looks while I talk. It's taking a lot out of all of us to even come with this."

"Ok. I'm all ears."

Deeks unzips the travel pouch and pulls out a folded piece of paper. He opens it and reads, "If you didn't have a hit ordered on your head, I'd have you stay on the base. We'd all make sure that you'd get some serious therapy with the best that NCIS has to offer. You wouldn't get any sort of out this time- you'd have to deal with everything you've done to us and yourself before you'd be able to even think about making the next move."

Deeks chuckles sadly as he turns over the folded piece of paper without waiting for any type of response from Hetty. "Before you leave, we all wrote down little things we'd want you to know. For Callen, he's still up in the air about forgiving you like the rest of us and that your leaving left him scrambling to be the leader. Sam wants you to know that he's actually thinking about retirement because he's getting tired of all the lies and the emotional toll of everything, a majority thanks to you. Eric and Nell are both applying to be agents and for some reason, want you to know that they're happy."

The co-pilot standing behind Hetty suddenly holds up a finger to signal that Deeks is running out of time. The agent holds up his badge in response. "Calm down, I'm almost done. That's the end of the letter from everyone else. For Kensi and I….well, you already have an idea of what we feel, but I wanted you to know that I'm planning to request a return to Los Angeles and I plan to propose to Kensi. I'm not going to hold onto to the past anymore."

"I'm so happy to hear that, Mr. Deeks," Hetty's eyes fall to the slight bulge in the pouch, "I don't understand why you're telling me this, though."

Deeks holds out the pouch to Hetty and states, "I'm telling you this because I _will _you see again after this. This bag has an encrypted satellite phone that you're going to take with you and call when Drakov is caught. If I don't hear from you within a year, I'm going to personally bring you in. I've said it over and over today and I'm going to say it again- you will not disappear on us. This isn't goodbye- this is see you later. Good luck on your flight."

Hetty watches Deeks walk up to the ladder and climb down. She can't help but think back to the trip many years ago to the LAPD police station to bail Sam out of jail and to introduce the young cop to her agent. _My, how he has grown, _Hetty thinks, _I wish I could sit and reflect with him. _

But as the helicopter blades slowly beginning to rev up, Henrietta Lange is reminded that she needs to go.

Yes, there are still questions about reasons behind secretive and painful moves and stories about recovery from the demons that nearly destroyed everyone on the team, but Hetty's situation doesn't give them time to sit and chat. Someday within the next year, Hetty will call him on the satellite phone, fly back to Los Angeles and work through all the pain she's caused them over a cup of tea.

And then maybe, she'll earn forgiveness.

**The End**


End file.
